Forgive the lame heading atop this article, but with all the controversy over the “Linsanity” related story titles we here at The Moustache Press wish to maintain our high journalistic integrity and good standing in the Asian Market. Hell, our stock price depends on it (No Data: TSE). However, we are certainly not here to start another tireless controversy on whether or not Big Pun faked his death and is coming back from the grave (Fort Lauderdale) to resurrect the one time hip-hop super group Terror Squad. Not even close. We’re looking at Jeremy Lin as the phenom that he is. Yes, the first player to make it to the NBA out of Harvard since 1951. Nineteen fifty-one… yes, the same year we founded the Moustache Press digital feed (only the goats ate it). Co-incidence? Oh my no. This poses an interesting question: is it only a matter of time until there is an all digital basketball dominion (unofficially the DBD) where computer wares physically play against the likes of Rain Man, Stephen Hawking, Jeremy Lin, Doogie Howser MD, Elon Lindenstrauss and an additional making it Rain Man? It shan’t be long.
If you can smart yourself into an NBA dominating media superstar in just four games playing for the horsecrap New York Knickerbockers, imagine how exciting the DBD could be. There would be an abundance of sponsors: Nintendo software, Michaelsoft software, Soft soft wear, a single pair of BVDs, the computer from War Games, I’d assume Matthew Broderick, and all Asian spice vendors. Mascots popping up like a James Carville dildo could give 1 minute seminars on Chinese currency rigging and the Greek economic rescue plan at halftime. A huge Indo-China ape could do reverse slam dizzles from an Atari joy-schlong (patent pending patting). The classic story lines of man versus machine, machine versus baby, baby versus the hexbus 300-baud modem would send ratings through the roof – unfortunately that roof is WAY past “on fire”. This shit might have to go down in an Archie Bunker type bunker like those dog fights I always hear about at church. Listen, the DBD could be the much anticipated cross over between professional sports, reality TV, and horrific human mutilation. I liiiiiike it.
Imagine the tag lines and article headings for this league. Boring terms like “jump shot”, “slam dunk” , and “3-pointer” would be replaced by “pump chop”, “jam chunks”, and “knob de-jointer”. Our latest Nut Duster poling numbers showed that 15 out of 24 people said there is no hope in holy hell they could/would ever understand or even want to try and comprehend what this league could possibly mean. This double negative clearly points to positive poling numbers. And in fairness, I did not oversee the poling. There may not have been enough mayo massage to inflate the mattresso. In summation, an unrelated Gene Shalit pole illustrates that 17 out of 18 hojos would definitely watch this league if they were immediately tossed an original Sega GameGear. Troubling, troubling stuff.