Internet Teen-Talk Demystified

Kids these days – aren’t they adorable? But technology today can make it frustrating to understand where they are coming from. Back in the 80′s when mobile phones didn’t exist, life was so much simpler. Meeting Culture Club-type manboys was much less of a chore. Face-to-face I’d hear pick-up lines like this all the time: “Hey aren’t you the duck from Howard the Duck?” … thereby striking up a riveting and erotic conversation.

Fast forward to 2009. What on earth are these kids talking about? Are those even words? So now, instead of entertaining the little brats with wonderful animal factoids from Dr. Dolittle 5 (from barn to bed) – I have to deal with unraveling the mysteries of encrypted interweb slang. You know – the abbreviated jargon used to simplify typing out long and complicated phrases. Talk about making it impossible to meet the manboys of your dreams!

NOT TO FEAR! Like anything, experience always rewards. First, a refresher on the basics of text slang:

lol = laugh out load

brb = be right back

gtg = got to go

asl? = age, sex, location?

Easy right? Master those and your youngsters will think you are R. Kelly (the lover). However, if you want to elevate your game to the level of R. Kelly (the proctologist), you need to learn the underground slang too. Check it:

lhtm = let’s hit the mall

ntwatmitem? = now that we’re at the mall, is that Eddie Murphy?

ichemitnrjh = I can hear Eddie Murphy in the next room jacking hog

hedmihwyq = hey Eddie, Dexter Manly is here with your quee-quees

heywahaiodm = hello exterminator. Yes, we also have an infestation of Dexter Manly(s)

Of course, the new street slang is being invented every minute, but you get the idea. Now, get out your keypad and blast your manboy a beautiful sonnet of letter combinations. If you have any questions, page me.

- Dexter Manly (quee-quee)