DIABOLICAL BIZ MARK KEYS

Fourteen year old youth Mark Keys has assumed the appearance and persona of a 1988 Biz Markie in hopes of becoming the lovable sidekick to the eighth tier breaking crew in his church group.

While being a slender caucasian teen, Mark has implemented an hourly feeding frenzy consisting of Joe Weider (the man), a 6-pack of bismarck donuts, and jumbo Dr. Skipper Slurpees. His beat-boxing still needs a lot of work – so much so, that he has enrolled at Dickie Stubbs school for advanced beat-boxing and barbecue sauciers. Mark just received a B+ on his recent assignment entitled “My lethal weapon is my rhyme” – a free-flowing hot sauce recipe to pair with Ice-T’s newborn onesies line and direct to video spa relaxation dvds (Surviving The Game). That was one spicy recipe.

While he may be working on improving his overall girth and beat-boxing, his rabble-rousing is sorely lacking. Recent outbursts of, “Beat box ya stop? Not!” and “”Go ninja, go ninja, go!” got him booed out of the post Sunday School gathering for juice and biscuits. However, it is not all moments of humiliation. Biz Mark Keys crushed it last week at a Papa Piccolinos BMX Demo where he bum-rushed the MC’s table after a phat piece of action and got off a, “Bundiddly-diduly-diduly-dee!” into the microphone. Sweet redemption.

His future’s so bright…

This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 1st, 2009 at 10:36 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.