I Found a Pubic Hair in my O.J. The war on terror has been progressing at a slow pace. With support faltering at both home and abroad, it was clear that Bush needed to take a different approach. Sure there were suggestions coming from all sides, mainly: Dick Armey, Colin Powell, Jerry Rice, Kojack, and Dick Armey Jr; and all offered valid advice, but in the end Bush had to trust his gut feeling. What did the pride of Texas do? His gut told him to skip pouring over thousands of legal proceedings and to fire any egghead who didn't reduce an analogy to a - 'Reese Witherspoon would've prosecuted this way." Once the eggheads and documents were removed, his gut grumbled loud and clear that it was time to investigate the terrorists: American style. Wanted dead or alive became the theme song and the Juice became the heroine of Bon Jovi's epic ballad. Juice? Yup, this article attempts to prove that the parrallels between O.J.'s case/detective skills and the war on terror are too similar to ignore. Observe: O.J. didn't think that he would get a fair trial, so he booked it. Bush, hearing the cries of war-mongering, has chosen to pursue justice on his own, lest the cries of war dishearten his case. So far he has not gained support from the international community or governing body, but has indicated that he will go it alone. To any other country this would be a death sentence, but to the United States it has strengthened their resolve. Consequentlly, the U.N. has been sidestepped, bamboozled, and totally ignored. Each seeks justice without the constraints of silly technicalities, like laws. Loose cannons or saints? I guess only history will be the judge. Another common thread these two cases share is oil. The United States is facing a pending energy crisis, the likes of which could cripple the economy. If the Farmer's Almanac is correct, and I trust it to be, the Bull economy will be reduced to the Bull's of 2000. O.J. at the time of his misunderstanding was facing his own oil crisis, mainly, Nicole was wasting gas in his Ferrari driving around Ronald 'waitstaff' Goldman. O.J. was visually shaken. He could no longer focus on the simplest tasks. In fact, he ended up buying a pair of isotoners that didn't even fit his hands. Bush, likewise, was staggered by the oil woes of his nation; his Ferrari (the economy) was sputtering. He knew that if he didn't shift into the metaphorical fifth gear the Ferrari would end up on blocks in Gronroos' driveway. O.J. having already searched Gronroos' driveway for the killer shifted his focus to golf courses and random interrogations. Vigilate justice became the new modus operandi. Ignoring traffic laws, O.J. punched a fellow motorist. This fell under his 'Axle of Evil' operation, whereby several motorists were targeted for their gas emissions, noise violations, and sticker placement (Got Mud, My Other Ferrrari is a Car, etc.). Bush, following O.J.'s lead, substituted the words traffic law with international law and chose to detain suspected terrorists in Cuba and the United States with little to zero regard for their basic human rights. Bush also used the golf approach, favoured by the leading international political think tanks, choosing to focus on the biggest sand-trap of them all - Iraq. Driving a wedge between him and the rest of the world, Bush stepped up to the tee with the iron sheik (Saddam). Stakes are high in this golf game. Billions of dollars will be wagered on this skins game and an untold number of caddies will be asked to choose between their country club or their local golf-pro. Bush's own words are bin laden with golf innuendos, like "You're either fore or against us," and "Choke up on the grip." What all these approaches have in common is a lack of self-analysis. The States have not thought about their role in September 11th and O.J. has not critiqued his role in Naked Gun. With a little reflection O.J. might even act again and the States may avoid a repeat of Sept. 11th. What worries me is that Bush doesn't have an Al Cowling to be the voice of reason. So would somebody please get Al Cowling on their cell phone, and tell him to pull over the white bronco before it gets out of control.