Let me introduce you to the future of the NBA. His name is Mookie Jordan.This 10 year old from Garland, Texas has been toted as the next big thing. He is currently the starting point guard for the Bringimham Wildcats, a high school in Compton, and already has been compared to greats like Michael Jordan and Mookie Blaylock. As you will soon discover there is irony in such comparisons. Mookie averages 22 rebounds a game and leads the league in assists. He averages an astounding 70 points a game. Mookie claims he could increase his points per game if he was allowed to remove the bullet proof vest. Oh Mookie, as D.J. Quick once said, "Basketball, it's just like Compton". "His ability to run the open court is unparalleled, even at the professional level", coach Goldie Hawn claims. Mookie admits basketball comes naturally to him but wishes his life off the court was as revered. Mookie's mother Britney Smeres is a single mother, and has had the difficult task of raising Mookie on her own. Mrs. Smeres credits his natural gift to his fathers. Wait a minute, did she say fathers? Apparently Mookie's gift of game is a case of the good genes meets the bad idea jeans. Let's continue. The year is 1993 in the city of Atlanta, and Mrs. Smeres is currently working as a dancer at the Gold Club. The Atlanta Hawks' practice, as usual, is being held at the Gold Club, and after a quick three woman weave drill, coach Lenny Wilkins motions the players to take a Zima break. The Hawks have company for this practice however. It just so happens that Michael Jordan, Mookie Blaylock, Scott Ehlo, and Vinnie Del Negro are in town to attend the Larry Johnson charity game to raise money for LJ's sex change. Turns out Gramama wasn't a costume. The mood is jovial and everyone one seems to be having a good time, except for Patrick Ewing, of course, who is there on business - lap dancing for Sam Bowie to work off his bar tab. Mrs. Smeres has her hands full during a lap dance for Mookie Blaylock and Michael Jordan. Mookie and Michael have requested the once illegal 'barnyard itch' and she is scratching with all three arms, if you know what I mean. Once the smoke finally clears from this bewitching production, Mookie is wearing Michael's shirt, Michael is wearing Cookie Johnson's wedding ring and Mrs. Smeres is pregnant, but by whom? So we return to the present day and arrive at the conclusion that Mookie Jordan, a 10 year old basketball phenom, is the product of a cooperative effort between Mrs. Smeres, Michael Jordan, Mookie Blaylock and 'the barnyard itch'. Mrs. Smeres filed a paternity suit against Jordan and Blaylock but on the first day of court proceedings Michael Jordan and Mookie Blaylock were nowhere to be found. In their place instead was one Moochael Blorjack. It turns out that Michael Jordan and Mookie Blaylock are actually the same person. That would explain all the years in the NBA, playing against one and other, and never once appearing on the court at the same time. That would also explain Juanita Jordan's alleged affair with Mookie Blaylock. How do you explain Mrs. Smeres' persistence regarding the fact that she had danced for both Michael Jordan and Mookie Blaylock in the Gold Club? Well, she was seeing double. Upon further investigation, it has been proven that during the night in question, Patrick Ewing had drugged Smeres in an attempt to steal her tip money. Lawsuits are flying left and right. As it stands now Smeres has filed a paternity suit against Moochael Blorjack. Patrick Ewing has been charged with attempted robbery and the IRS has charged Moochael Blorjack for whatever the opposite of tax evasion is. Stay tuned to www.mustachepress.com for continued updates.