The New Movement De L’Environment Do not, I repeat, do not support any new or old environmental movements. They’re obsolete with spotty track records to say the least. For example, take a close look at Greenpeace and tell me what you see. Personally, I see Greenpeace as an interest group, who at best is only interested in keeping Bryan Adams’ career alive. The shadiness doesn’t stop there. In fact, it keeps going through the long line of environmental movements, groups, and whatever is chic for celebrities to be part of. WWF can’t shake the dirty wrestling connotations (even the WWF’s wrestling counterpart dropped the F and added an E to distinguish itself from the environmental group), and the harpooning of the save the whales cause by the big boned leaves us with nothing to believe in. This leaves the conventional conservationist at a loss. Luckily, I have a few suggestions: Re-release the first Nintendo; Re-master The Wizard; even consider re-formatting it for the Imax. My first suggestion is probably the stronger of the two, but I'll discuss the second one later. Although it's not clearly spelt out, the preservation of the world and the re-release of the first Nintendo gaming consul* go hand in hand. Under this new direction hunting will become virtual (just think Duck Hunt), and the Vegan tendency will reign like Diana Ross. Nintendo fashion will become all the rage again. The totally synthetic power glove will replace panda bear-lined mitts, which were all the rage in the roaring twenties. No longer will people feel the need to wear leather. Chaps and leather vests will be discarded in favour of breathable jogging pants, tube tops, tube socks, and totally tubular game play. I can almost hear the collective sigh of relief from the animal kingdom. Green house emissions would be cut down by 318% (statistics taken from the Expo 86 amazing stat-2000 machine, a subsidiary of Canada 3000) in relation to each consul sold. People tend to be come reclusive, focusing all of their attention towards game-play, and lose all external motivation, like: holding down jobs, and having steady girlfriends/boyfriends. Once you lose your job and special lady friend, you have nothing left to do but go hunting, play sports, and test your IQ in games of chance. Luckily, Nintendo offers virtual alternatives to all of the aforementioned. Think about it. Where else are you going to get a chance to play Larry Bird one-on-one, travel to fantastic new lands with Italian plumbers, go big-game hunting, and box Iron Mike Tyson all from the comfort of your living room couch? This to me seems like a viable alternative to reality. Re-mastering The Wizard would re-establish Fred Savage as a leading expert on life. His sound advice dispensed during The Wonder Year's has the potential to foster world preservation. If Savage tells you to recycle, or on a lark- play Nintendo, you're going to recycle and play Nintendo. The re-release in regular theatres and the Imax would be the final push the environmentalist's need to realize their goals. When Savage reaches god-like proportions he will be able to dispense wisdom, easily condensed into short narratives, to the rest of the world espousing the virtues of fair game play and environmental protection. One only has to look at the Kyoto accord to realize that my two-pronged proposition makes sense. The Kyoto accord has struggled to gain full support from industrialized nations and is flimsily hanging on by bare threads. The original Nintendo gaming consul, on the other hand, is sturdy and has many cords attaching it to the T.V. and gamer, and unlike the Kyoto accord, it gained the majority of its support from industrialized nations. So crack a Tab, kick back, and enjoy the greener/smoother reality provided by the original Nintendo. * not a spelling error. Everyone knows the power-glove wields diplomatic immunity.