How to Think like an American Genius American business geniuses are now using their guts to make all major decisions. We're seeing this more and more, researchers who study how managers think. Their data carries an obvious moral: The most brilliant decisions tend to come from the gut. My question is: when did the brain take a backseat to the Molson muscle? If you're like me, you probably could stand to lose a couple pounds. In this age of the super slender, who hasn't looked in the mirror and said, "Boy am I a sweating blimp of pulsating hog fat"? Oui? But does this new corporate revelation mean that I've got a bigger brain than my ironman neighbour? Yes, Absolutely. Degrees in economics have been rendered meaningless. It may be irrational, unfillable, and not always easy to get in touch with (if you have Kevin Willis arms), but it can process more information (pastries) on a more sophisticated level (napkin use) than most of us ever dreamed (Hotrum's dad Dom Delouise knew all along). In a radical move this week, the U.S. government ordered a total restructuring of all funded projects to adhere to this new 'gut' ultima. A watershed in modern American History, NASA has been renamed NASAUCE. Their last mission to outer space was sidelined after they ran out of gas in their fourth McDonalds' Drive Thru stop before leaving (2nd time thru the same drive thru). I put it to you faithful reader, is this progress? The answer to that is…sort of. There has to be a comfortable medium here people. One cannot advance civilization with hot dogs alone. No. You need condiments - Shitloads of condiments. Well, that and a TV. Just when you think your brain is winning, you need to remind it who's the boss (Mona). Put your best gut forward (Mona). Force-feed yourself. And I'm not talking about a box of Ritz crackers, I'm talking about an entire turkey dinner to cake hole exchange - Einstein style - The brilliance springing forth off the plate. Lose the belt and rejoice & marvel at your newfound genius, "I am an American! The power of the hog compels me." Exorcise don't exercise. Now that you're smart, go into business for yourself Poindexter. Open a bakery or Chip Joint. I mean, after all, what the hell did you think I was talking about?