The Legend of Coconut Joe has Been Tarnished In a surprise police blitzkrieg, Coconut Joe was caught with his pants down in a massage parlor. The raid was carried out on the Bratwurst Massage Club, located in Frankfurt, in an operation dubbed rub out the tug, at precisely three in the afternoon. The Frankfurt police said the parlor had been staked out for three months in advance. One officer (junior constable David Hasselhoff), acting on a condition of anonymity, said, "It was a sunny day with a cool breeze and everything was going as planned. At best we had hoped to catch the remaining Milli Vanelli member - I think Fabio (Rob had nothing to live for) - but it turned out he was in Dusseldorf recording his new solo album. When we burst in and Coconut Joe was on the table, well, lets just say it was beyond our wildest dreams." Which is weird considering junior constable David Hasselhoff has had wild dreams before. When asked to describe his wild dreams, young Hasselhoff simply muttered, "Ka pow. Ka pow. The Viet Cong are coming." As of press time, the mustache press had yet to determine if it was a wet dream. In just a few short hours after the bust, stocks of Coconut Joe hit rock bottom, leaving principle shareholder Todd Murray totally dejected. "I had always thought of Coconut Joe as a legend in my mind, but I guess he's worse than Lou Gehrig" said Todd Murray. Fans of Coconut Joe were outraged by Murray's linkage of an international saint to such a monster as Lou Gehrig. Coconut Joe posted bail in a few short hours and was joined by Kerry Collins outside the precinct. Smoking a cigar, talking with a Southern drawl, Coco vowed his legend would be cleared of all wrongdoing after the trial. As for the linking to Lou Gehrig, Kerry Collins said, "That was low. I never expected Todd to abandon Nutso like that."