Viagra Provides Solution to Softwood Lumber Dispute Since March of 2001 the Canadian lumber industry has been immersed in a trade war with the United States forest industry. At the heart of the conflict is the issue of duties. The duties, which are applied to all exports that are considered to be unfairly subsidized, are costing the lumber industry billions. On top of the already exorbitant exporting duty, is the anti-dumping duty. Dumping is a term used to describe the sale of goods to another country at less than what they cost to produce. This anti-dumping duty is not to be confused with the one that Shaquille O'Neal thought was imposed upon him last year during the NBA playoffs, which had him protesting,"I'm at home, I can't even take a dump". Just when the softwood lumber dispute between Canada and the United States appeared to be at a suffocating stand still, a cooperative effort by Canadian softwood lumber interests and U.S. consumer groups have resulted in The U.S.-Canada Partnership for Growth. This newly formed alliance has made it abundantly clear that their number one priority is to provide a solution to this softwood lumber dispute, and that their number two priority is to eradicate Alan Thicke. At the forefront of this alliance is corporate giant Johnson and Johnson, makers of Viagra. Johnson and Johnson have agreed to provide financial aid to both the U.S. forest industry and the Canadian lumber industry. In exchange the company will be exempt from all exporting duties and tariffs when concerning the shipment of their latest product - The Deerock Pump. Coincidently, Dee Brown will be the spokesperson for this new product, which, we are told, is aimed at the brown dee market. Ivan Roch Johnson ,president and CEO of Johnson and Johnson, addressed his company's involvement in the campaign: "When it comes to matters involving partnerships for growth, softwood disputes, and johnsons, who better to turn to, than the makers of Viagra. I, Roch Johnson, would rather hold my breath until I was purple in the head, than see something destroy the relationship between these two great nations". Many confused Mr. Johnson's comments, and thought that he said he "rocked johnsons". Mr. Johnson was quick to clarify his statement, and went on to add that his soldier doesn't salute for that team. The Bush administration has commended the hard headed Johnson for his diplomatic, yet aggressive, approach. Bush admits it prefers a rigid, stiff, take a running start at it approach. Bush has voiced it's concern about avoiding a bureaucratic logjam. It adds, that typically you have to grease up certain members in these political processes in order to get the juices of progress flowing. Bush added, "we don't have time to oily this baby down, we have to get up, get in and get out." On a side note, the George Bush administration was not available for comment. Because Chretien has not supported Viagra's proposition, Chretien's critics have accused him of aggravating the situation, and speculated that he is not serious about pumping out an agreement with the U.S, but would rather get in Bush's face, and in turn have Bush in his face. In recognition of Johnson's efforts The U.S. and Canadian Forestry Commisions have erected a large statue located along a major trade route bridging Vancouver and Seattle. The statue is actually a large fountain in the shape of a log, with water gushing from one end. The statue has been appropriately name Viagra Falls.