America Sees Big Air Competitions for What They Really Are Berle (AP). The United States has tried to link the rash of ski related injuries sweeping Europe to North Korea in hopes of completing the tri fecta in the Axis of Evil. Apparently they have a dossier on the super flexible ninjas from North Korea who have infiltrated the ski hills and do nothing but spread eagles. Reports have it that the ninjas egg the Europeans into big air contests, where the Europeans are split in half by their faulty spread eagle landings. The judges have been rigged prior, the money counterfeit, and the stakes deadly. Quick to profiteer, hoping to generate tourism at their ski resorts where immigration laws are much tighter (i.e. ethnic people are raped at the border), the Americans have asserted that the big air competitions are in direct violation of international law*, and that an act of aggression against the Europeans by the North Koreans is constituted as an attack on the American way of life. As everyone knows, an attack on the American way of life (e.g. democracy, peace, and benevolent good-will) represents an attack on all things decent. Therefore, unilateral action is the only way to contain the evildoers and force the good life on others. *The treaty of Spreadeaglia, signed by Sen. Glen Plake in 1984, states that all who engage in big air competitions are provided protection under the non-death-no-360 clause.