Shô Kosugi's Secret Ninja Tips Always wear your Ninja Iron Claw - Sharp as Tekagi - See beyond. Store shurikens in your butt pocket. Wrap them in wax paper to avoid aggravating your hemorrhoid while dancing. All ninja love to dance, so wear your supportive Ninja Boot (Tabi) like an aerobics instructor. Carry smoke bombs when attending any social functions or for nights out on the town. Blowing a smoke bomb at the club will allow you to lean against the bar with the all the swagger of having your own portable demaurier disco smoke machine. Plus, your mask and black outfit will attract all the foxy snatch 'cause you're just so damn mysterious. Show them your Ninja Iron Claw & illustrate to them just how sharp Tekagi can be! Use your special Ninja River Breathing Reed to sniff her butt or quickly drink her cocktail while she's trying to understand what the hell Tekagi is. Tell them you know Dudikoff from way back. If she has a boyfriend, puncture his neck with a dart from your blowgun. If a bouncer notices, stick the blowgun in the nearest drink & flash him the A-Okay sign - No bouncer will interfere with the A-okay sign. If by chance Dudikoff actually shows up, use your fleetness of foot to scurry to the DJ Booth and demand they play Pet Shop Boys. This will make Dudikoff honour you with a Chong Bong 5 or 6 - and that's a whole lotta bong. At the end of the night, if you're having trouble sealing the deal, refrain from using any corny pleasantries to get that piece of tail. If she's unwilling, simply use your Red Katana to cut out her crotch in two rapid slashes. Don't worry, the swiftness of your blade will make for a painless cut. The upper torso will instantly heal to the legs - Let her worry about how she's going to go to the bathroom! And if you're too tired to perform once you get home, just toss it in the freezer for later like Easy E. Good luck Ninjas. Next week we'll discuss "Ninja Invisibility Peeping Tom Bathroom Maneuvers" versus "Ninja Zero Heart Rate / Weekend At Bernie's Sex & Water Skiing".