Half Time Shows - A Lost Art? What ever happened to quality halftime shows? It seems, nowadays, you can't have a halftime show without at least 15 to 65 performers on stage per 30 seconds each lip-syncing a cover of "I Will Survive". But don't book Gloria Gaynor, like the NBA did, because it will take four movers & three dollies to get her off the stage. This is the problem that halftime show promoters & organizers run into every year; with 88% of all performers technically classified as 'hyper-obese', how do we get these performers on & off the field in time to resume the gaming? In the late seventies, Aretha Franklin was a popular halftime show performer. She played the Super Bowl, the World Series, the World Cup, & the Nordic Games without the aid of other acts, an air band, or Team Nigeria's boycott. But if you were to book the 'Queen of Soul' now, well, you would need 2 wire rope hoists, 1 overhead crane, 1 powerhouse crane, & 1 flatbed trailer and/or barge. These types of industrial apparatus are simply too costly & time consuming for a 4 minute halftime show. So how do we deliver the acts people want, without the overhead, waste products, & industrial machinery required to do so? The Answer: The Meatloaf. Meatloaf is a warrior. Since the first Super Bowl in 1967, Meatloaf has been sweating it out as a part of 3092 halftime shows spanning virtually every sport from Aikido to Zaubercocktail - and his show always haul ass (literally). But despite his prolific nature, Meatloaf's history remains somewhat of a secret. What a lot of people don't know about him is that Meatloaf is John Madden's illegitimate son. You see, before John changed his name to John Madden, he was commonly known as John Loaf & he had a single offspring - Meat. It was his father's connections that allowed for his halftime debut. A debut that some of you might remember; when he (Meatloaf) played the first Super Bowl half time show in 1967 alongside MVP Bart Starr - I believe they did a duo-medley of "I Will Survive". But what a lot of people don't remember is that Meatloaf was pumping it out so much that night that they couldn't get the loaf off the field afterwards. In fact, the Super Bowl was actually just called "The Super" until the crowd & officials saw the loaf. That halftime show was going nowhere. But rather than cancel the game, the Green Bay team proved they were the hungrier team on that night - they dealt with the loaf & pulled it out convincingly. Coincidentally, that was the night the name "Green Bay Packers" stuck & I believe it to be the same night Bart Starr demanded he be traded to the Browns. So if you really want to rock the casbah, we at the Mustache Press highly recommend you book one Mr. Meat Loaf. Not only will you get a quality performer who sings powerful love/rock ballads, but you'll also be getting a show that you won't have to remove from the field or court because it doubles as a buffet. Plus, he's too damn big for any other acts to be on stage at the same time as him, so you're covered there too. For more information call 1 800 Eat Loaf.