Fat And Bosomy Magazine Faces Airbrush Allegations Long a staple of the mainstream - and always faced with a far greater demand than supply - the fat and bosomy magazine industry has had to deal with a saturated market for the first time in its history. Simply speaking, there were too many fat chicks in too many magazines. To combat the saturated market, certain editors - in order to gain a competitive advantage - took to airbrushing their respective models. Not only was this a break from the traditional use of airbrushing (usually airbrushing was limited to old people's pets), but it represented a 47% fatter and more bosomy model. The male population was taken aback, struggling to comprehend this much eye-candy, but like all good things (e.g. sexism, being a C.E.O., etc.) feminism had to strike back. Well, feminist watch-groups (e.g. The Ellen D. Society) were quick to lodge a protest, citing that the airbrushed women depicted in the magazine were no longer reflective of reality, and thus served to reinforce a negative stereotype, and further objectify fat women as sexy morsels. The most vocal of all feminists, Caren Beth Rogger - an esteemed mother of eight obese girls - warned that the objectification of fat women as sexy beauties, would undoubtedly set back her daughters to an age of unprecedented stoutness - the fat nineties. "This unattainable obesity breaks my heart, daily. In fact, just the other day, my littlest, Darcy, came and asked why she couldn't be fatter, like that pretty Oprah Winfrey. I didn't have the heart or ability to articulate the unattainable beauty of an airbrushed conglomeration of fat. I'm not saying that Oprah isn't fat, just that it isn't possible to be that fat, and when it isn't possible to be that fat, that's when you have children gorging themselves in hopes of conforming to society and its self constraining norms." In an even stranger press release, Caren spoke exclusively to Connie Chung in a Scottish accent, saying, "Tis, fine a day as any, to go to Denny's. Ahhh." Although, it may not be that strange in retrospect, considering that Connie specifically asked "Do you think - in a Scottish accent for our Dunkirk affiliate - that this is as fine a day as any to go to Denny's?" It appears that the friends of the fat and bosomy industry took the lawsuit seriously, because as quick as the feminist watch groups sued, the groups that watch the watch groups (e.g. The Chuck Norris Foundation) countered with a court injunction, allowing the production and systemic airbrushing of nude plump magazines to continue unimpeded. Thank Jesus.