Roberto Alomar edition Dear Donny, Recently, through the passing of my uncle Terry, I've come into possession of an extensive collection of decorative glasses. Initially I had some suspicions on the authenticity of the decorative glasses and sought to have them appraised. Unfortunately, my wife seems to think that I should just accept the glasses as they were intended through the will. I guess my question to you is - should I go behind my wife's back and get them appraised or respect her wishes? Sincerely, Herb Jacobson Dear Herb, In order to better answer your questions, I feel I should slip into a robe. Now, just to put myself in your position, I'm going to imagine what your wife looks like. Hmmm… I see sensual curves, long legs, and breasts from here to Kansas City. What? You want to come over here? Whoa… looks like my belt on my robe accidentally came undone. Get to the cack. Sorry, I didn't force her - your wife wanted to get to my cack on her own regards. Robbie Alomar Dear Donny, I've recently developed a crush on a co-worker, but I'm unsure if she feels the same way about me. She gave me hummer by the water-cooler the other day, but we both work in the porn industry, so I don't know if the hummer was genuine or just part of the scene. I need to know if she likes me. And by knowing, I don't just mean 'knowing' - but 'knowing' intuitively. Sincerely, Dick Charles Dear Dick Charles, I may have only batted .300 in my career when we're talking about laying lumber to the balls, but when we're talking about laying my lumber and balls on women, I've batted over 1.000. My advice to you is to just leave the room and return wearing a robe. If after all of the formalities your robe is still done up, then it's quite clear that she wants me, a man comfortable enough to de-robe himself. Better yet, just give my agent her number. Robbie Alomar Dear Donny, My prom is coming up and I don't have a date. I know there's still two weeks - plenty of time to get a date - until the prom, but I guess that's not really what's getting me down. My biggest concern right now seems to be the world and the state that it's in. We have people fighting, a rapidly increasing problem with pollution, and zero studio approval on Batman 1. With all these truly meaningful problems in the world today, I'm a little worried about my character, and said character development, if I place such importance on a trivial event like the prom. It's a total bummer dude. Signed, Jeb Bush Dear Jeb, Don't worry about worldly problems, man, you're liable to Jamaica yourself crazee! Now if you were to worry about every single thing going wrong in the world today, you'd spend all of your time depressed, and depression inevitably leads to wrinkle-lines, which in turn transforms your positive chi into a negative chi tran. Instead you should focus on intergalactic politics. Shit is going down in the Empire - I feel a disturbance. Anyway, as we speak the Doogie 4000's are mobilizing somewhere around the galactic star sash. If this is not prevented, all earthlings will be forced to give up all earthly possessions of an earthly nature. Oh No, I think I see the Doogie 4000 overlord approaching. Beep. Beep. Crang. Werdy, McCain 1300