Roy Horn Bit by his own Emasculated Tiger Is there a danger in being overtly heterosexual? Well until the recent turn of events, I would've said an emphatic no; that is until Roy Horn was savagely attacked to within an inch of his life. Roy Horn - one half of the macho duo Siegfried & Roy - was recently assaulted by a tiger in his popular Las Vegas act. During the show, on his birthday nonetheless, the tiger attacked Roy Horn, biting his neck, head, and groin regions. It appears that the only thing that saved him was the fact that he wasn’t a pencil neck geek. It’s a testament to modern medicine and science, ah fuck it, it’s a testament to Roy Horn’s overt heterosexuality/masculinity that he didn’t die. Roy Horn lost over a quarter of his skull and 100% of his unitard. As it stands now, Roy Horn is on life support; and, his shredded groin has been removed and placed into a hyperbaric chamber. It seems, and I don’t pose this as a question, that the tiger was not content being the prince of the jungle. Roy Horn, a man’s man, must have been viewed as a threat to le tigress’ masculinity. There can be only one king of the jungle (sorry Siegfred) and that was clearly Roy Horn. Thus, Roy Horn became a victim of his own overt heterosexuality. Ideas for possible commemorative monuments are being tossed around, under the implausible event that Roy Horn does succumb to his injuries. One idea, all Siegfried’s, is to channel the energy of 4 shooting stars into a single effervescent light beam seen 24 hours a day, whether dark or light out. This light source would originate from and encompass all of the land area formerly called Afghanistan (an offshoot of Operation Enduring Horn), now completely Afghani free, and shine directly into Space. Another possibility would be to create an adjoining wall to the Great Wall of China in the shape of Roy Horn’s Name, allowing his name to be seen from space. An added feature of the latter suggestion would be that it would deter alien invasion, mainly, alien’s would be reluctant to invade a planet that produced such a masculine human being, knowing that there would be no chance of anal probing.